Beck's Acoustic "Orphans"

I love this artist and I love this song. I love music! I would give all that I have to sing backup for an artist like Beck on just one song. The last "ahhs" remind me of every good fresh late 1970's folk song my parents played on our record player. Air to breathe...enjoy.

Modern Guilt Acoustic "Orphans" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

I believe

...that God lives between the notes of a dissident musical chord. He has never failed to show Himself within that harmonizing blend and that moment that takes you from one chord to the next. What a miracle. What a gift it would be to write the music that let's me find Him there. But thankfully, others can and have. And I cling to those songs, those chord progressions like life's air.

Maybe this is why I miss singing so much. Maybe this is where I worship. Not in the words that I sing and the meaning behind them; I've never really listened to lyrics much. But in the tones that I warble and hum. Ahhh, that is where my communion is taken and shared. And you can't sing it alone. You need more than one. Why I've always wanted to be the backup singer and not the lead. You can always be the lead without the backup, but not the other way around. I needed the other to find that deep pocket of meaning behind two, three, four notes that come together to become a prism of sound. Within, for me, the meaning of the soul. Three always sound best to me.

Who has a guitar I can borrow?

And who has a morsel of stick-to-it-tiveness to lend me? Thanks.

Wisely Broken (sitting at my desk)

Heartbroken - but not
in love - well with old heart
broken - but fixing
not waiting - with well wondering
dying - but why
for the love that broke my heart to wait
for the love that broke my heart to come
for the love that broke my heart to live

But why – trained in submission
my heart – will learn to live
teach by led example
ordinary lessons learned this way
interesting it all comes back to one
for the love that broke my heart to breathe
for the love that broke my heart to deny
for the love that broke my heart to fly

And in the end – as all good books
said to me by one by all by me
take this time to submerge in the deep
of the heart of the mind of the broken
and of the new
find me please
I’ll be open
I’ll be better
I’ll be palms out, eyes bright, heart wise.

Train of thought

[PHOTO: the view from my Buffalo hotel room tonight]

Sitting after a very LONG day in Buffalo in my hotel room (quite lovely actually with very attentive and attractive room service dudes) and I watch the last 30 minutes of "Ghost Town" with Ricky Gervais and I start bawling when he finally starts helping dead people make the one thing holding them to the living world right by communicating with their past loved ones. I guess it was the idea of connecting with love even beyond death.

I then start watching Entertainment Tonight and there is a lovely interview with Paul McCartney about the story behind the song "Let It Be." It was simply his mother helping him figure things out and just said to him "let it be." Such wonderful words to live by sometimes. The bawling continued...

Just thinking about the journey I've been on this past year and how far I've come. But also realizing how much further I have to go. Wanting love and family so deeply, but also not desperately seeking it out. Or really seeking it out at all. Not just yet. Just "letting it be." For now.

NYC - what is it about you?

Glory hallelurrrreh (thanks NeNe) - I am officially a resident of NYC!

Living where the $$$s used to flow, but security is tight.

Great building, great roommate, easy access to the Subway, moments to anywhere in Manhattan or Brooklyn. Amazing to finally experience what I knew I had been missing for so long living so close yet so far away.

I have spent so much time by myself this year. Just walking around either NYC or San Diego, roaming the aisles of stores, seeing theater or movies by myself. The more alone time I spend, the easier it has been to experience it, and enjoy it almost. I am starting to crave it. This photos was my view from the 2nd floor of the Union Square Whole Foods as I was eating lunch today. Please GOD, don't let me become the crazy cat lady that never leaves Manhattan! (Except - I have to leave NYC on almost a weekly basis for my job and I wouldn't have cats - just tons of bullies.) They like to snuggle. I miss my Ella so much.

Yesterday, I spent about 2 hours at the beautiful Apple Store in the Meatpacking District. And there I became the proud owner of a brand new MacBook Pro 13". I love it.

Mac just makes it so easy and pretty. I guess I will pay for ease and beauty. And I'm glad I didn't get the 15" - this is the PERFECT size for me - It can even fit in my purse! Girl alert Girl alert.

The last 2 weeks have allowed me to put my press agent hat back on for a bit. First, photo shoot for South Pacific and the second, well - I'll be able to blog about that a little more next week. Let's just say it was OOOmazing.

These are totally random paragraphs but I just wanted to take a moment to state my deep appreciation for my parents. I don't know how I could have gotten through this year so far without them. Just the daily "2 morn" texts from my mom, her heroic treks across the country to help me pack and let me cry on her shoulder; the amazing heart-to-heart talks with my dad and technical support - all of this has helped me remain functioning and I will be forever grateful. I pray that I will be able to show this kind of selfless love and support to someone else in my life one day. Thanks mom & dad.