I'm not.

I’m not sad – I’m just waiting.

Waiting for something I thought I had a thousand times over.

This seat isn’t as comfortable I once made it long ago when seconds seemed longer.

They flower quickly now.

I’m not happy – I’m just trained.

Showing others and myself the face I want to see.

It takes more energy than before as there is less fuel in the soul to charge it.

Fuel is scarcer these days.

I’m not crazy – at least I hope not.

Though craziness wouldn’t be too bad of a label.

That feeling would be familiar, as I’ve crossed that line many times before.

Repeatable newness might be welcomed.

I’m not sad – I’m just waiting.

And

waiting shouldn’t be like this.

be here

Pleasepleaseplease be with me here, now,

On the same level, on the same playing field

Step inside my world, my bubble

It is yours too

Without question without fear

Match me

Read my mind

Feel my breath

Just know

And be

Fully here with me

Now

Please

Red Art

This presence and tone have created a curio cabinet for me.

I sit inside, contently staring, listening.

Please, let this consistent rhythmic regaling continue on.

It reverberates brilliantly in here.

His mind is a beautiful cataclysmic paintball fest of theory

reason

passion

Imagination.

The timbrous tones sooth.

But this mind challenges my place.

I now notice my entrapment.

No friendly glasscutter to help me after.

Please let him notice my worth.

I can be more than the figurine in the collector's box.

So afraid that my pigment is fading. Damn lacquer.

Or is my contrapposto pose accurate enough to deserve merit?

Shifting my weight and stepping forward.

Putting my formed hand on the pane to reach for release.

*click*

Take me with you.

As he pulls me out of the glass womb

I feel real

I feel human

No longer wanting to just be from the mold I cast so long ago.

Onward we walk through nature's man-made abundance.

But will he be content with what I have to offer?

Will I challenge him as much as he does me?

Let us continue to discuss the red art and see.

inked

I got my first tattoo today. A wonderful experience. Thank you Damian from New York Adorned on 2nd Ave. He gave me exactly what I wanted. A shaded black star on my right wrist. Many meanings to me. It has been one of the best birthday presents I've ever received.

a haiku by request (describing my voice)

Dulcetly dazzling

Stronger with each passing year

Sing ye sweetly close

-April 29, 2010

Facing myself.

Kept at arm's length so I can breathe shallowly.

Missed smiles and charm because I'm not ready.

Rebounded well only to react swiftly, maybe too.

No requirement can I give or receive, expect or ignore.

The page of prose has turned.

Perhaps too quickly.

Alone as requested with no friendly smile but my own.

I've not smiled today.

The mirror looks back.

Hello lonely face.